


#Blessed

by strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Age Difference, Author doesn't believe in hell, Author is working out her shit about religion, Ben Solo is a Mess, Commentary on Modern American Christianity and Sexuality, Ex-vangelical vibes, F/M, First Time, Gratuitous Smut, Heresy, Loss of Virginity, Power Dynamics, Purity culture call-out, Rey Ships It, Sexy Times, The Author Regrets Nothing, Underage Sex, but sexy, flirtation and seduction, the PainTrain is out this is the SinWagon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2019-11-17 14:10:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie/pseuds/strawberrycupcake_huckleberrypie
Summary: Church leapfrogged to the top of her priority list. Rey was hashtag blessed, like her t-shirt announced.Ben was good enough reason to fall back in love with church attendance.In which seventeen-year-old pastor's daughter, Rey, is a good girl, and Ben is her new youth pastor...and there are copious suggestive worship music lyrics.





	1. Closer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jezebel_Spirit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jezebel_Spirit/gifts), [free_to_bloom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/free_to_bloom/gifts), [NewerConstellations](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NewerConstellations/gifts).



> for my smut coven, for whom I thank the Goddess: T,T and N

 

_Your love has ravished my heart_

_And taken me over, taken me over_

_And all I want is to be_

_With You forever._

_Pull me a little closer_

_Take me a little deeper_

_I want to know Your heart_

_`Cause Your love is so much sweeter_

_Than anything I've tasted_

-Closer, by Bethel Music

 

Rey sipped at her cappuccino from the coffee bar, ignoring the donation basket. Finn laughed with Hux, slapping him on the shoulder, calling him brother with a chuckle as they grabbed a donut.

Brother. Sister. Spiritual birthdays. Family of God.

Rey’s world rotated around the language of evangelism. Community groups. Supper clubs. Small group. Prayer circle. Bible studies. Endless clusters of people constantly clumped together in Rey’s life, crowding the church halls like multiplying loaves and fishes. She wove between them all, the pastor’s only daughter.

Old people held her to impossible standards, peers eyed her with curiosity, and her father expected pristine behaviour befitting a pastor’s kid. By sixteen, the “ _p.k.”_ was fucking tired of it.

 

Her father had a fit when Rey took a weekend hostess job at a steakhouse.

“Make sure you get Sundays off.”

“Daddy, I can’t make demands as soon as I get hired.” She’d rolled her eyes and stomped through their ranch-style house as her father lectured her.

“You can’t work on Sundays! It’s a day of rest! And besides, what will the church have to say, hmm?”

Rey had argued until her father shouted, welling up with tears at his anger. It wasn’t her fault he was unreasonable. It was like he’d never been 16, never got a license and a job, never wearied of church life.

“This is why I wanted you to apply at Chick-fil-A, Rey. No Sundays.”

 

When she was little, Rey had loved God with ravenous adoration.

God loved her and he’d made the whole world, holding it all in his big, strong hands. She’d been happy to tug on tights and wear a slip under her dress on Sundays, sitting on the front row beside her mom while her dad preached about heaven and love and obedience.

After her mom left though, and her dad left his position at the church, her own fervor waned. They’d moved across state lines once her mother got a new boyfriend and a tattoo of a unicorn and Rey’s name on her left calf.

 

“You’re magic,” her mom had whispered when she squeezed Rey goodbye before getting into the Chevy pickup. “Don’t ever forget you’re perfect, baby. No matter what they say.”

Perfect enough to warrant a tattoo on her mom’s skin, apparently, but not perfect enough for her to stay with them.

 

Her dad’s new church was less formal, but no less demanding.

Rey was there whenever the doors open. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday night youth group, weekend retreats and lock-ins, bible study on Thursdays and nursery duty every other weekend.

The older she grew, the less meaning it all offered, though. Rey shed the goody-two-shoes role, and her peers took note. Maybe she had to show up, but that hadn’t meant she was going to follow the rules. She wore yoga pants that said _“juicy”_ across her ass in big, block letters to Sunday school, and sported an illegal two-piece swimsuit at church camp. When her dad went out of town to a weekend retreat, she got her belly button pierced with Rose and Jyn, and she lined her eyes thick black to highlight her violet-colored contacts.

The steakhouse job was just an excuse to get out of weekend commitment. It worked well enough until her father insisted she come meet his new hire. Rey had whined as she dragged herself into the church building, even throwing her favorite argument at her father.

 

“But, Daddy, we _are_ the church supposedly. Right? We don’t have to even _be_ in this building.”

He’d held the glass door open, ignoring her as she slumped into the air conditioned, dark building with a frustrated sigh.

She’d sat sulking, arms crossed over her chest in irritation as church leadership arrived. The worship band tuned up, congregants piled in, and Rey glowered.

 

“Rey, someone I’d like you to meet.”

She’d barely looked up from her phone at her father’s voice. Feet propped on the chair in front of her, she’d been ready to mutter a greeting when she looked at the person beside her dad. The hottest man alive - definitely the hottest guy she’d ever been privileged to see in real life  - stood smiling at her.

She’d jumped up in a heartbeat, dropping her phone as she held out a hand to the man next to her dad.

“Hi, Rey. Nice to meet you. I’m Ben.”

His voice was warm and smooth, like coffee with lots of cream. He was tall and buff, and he smiled widely at Rey, like a college brochure come to life. Rey shook his hand and cleared her throat. She hadn’t even bothered to iron her spaghetti-strapped sundress, or find better shoes to wear than her dirty flip-flops.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Rey.”

His grin was lopsided, and he looked at her father with a knowing chuckle before placing a second hand over Rey’s. He positively covered her hand with his own.

“I know.”

Her cheeks had burned in embarrassment.

She’d mumbled a barely audible thanks when he handed her the phone she’d dropped. Sitting back down, she’d watched as he walked beside her dad through the auditorium. Hands in his pockets, his khakis pulled taut across his butt, and Rey watched him move as they greeted people who arrived.

Church leapfrogged to the top of the priority list after that.

Ben was good enough reason to fall back in love with church attendance, even if Rey was too nervous to speak to him often. He taught teens and young twenties every Sunday evening upstairs, pacing the small stage, leaning his forearms on the podium. Rey knew every freckle on his face, every curve of his hands just from the uninterrupted opportunity to stare at him weekly. His eyes were deep brown and mysterious, wrinkled around the edges when he smiled.

It was a no-brainer when he offered to stay and answer questions of anyone who wanted to know more about the gospel. Rey took a risk and raised her hand.

 

The metal chairs had been cold and unforgiving, small in the cavernous youth room everyone else had vacated when Rey sat knee-to-knee with him after Sunday evening service one night.

 

“So. What can I answer for you?” He rubbed his hands on his knees, folding his hands. They dropped in front of his crotch, knees splayed wide as he faced Rey, and she struggled not to look.

“Oh. Um.”

“Because frankly, I’ll bet you know more scripture than I do.” He cocked one eye closed and snickered. A joke. Rey breathed a laugh with him and crossed her legs.

“I think I want to get baptized.”

“Baptized? Haven’t you been already?”

Rey shook her head, ready for this question. “The church my dad preached at when I was little didn’t dunk, they sprinkled. So, I haven’t ever been properly baptized.”

“I see.” He looked at Rey with serious enthusiasm. “Have you talked to your dad about this? See what he thinks?”

Rey resisted an eye roll. “I don’t need to talk with my father about everything.”

Ben nodded slowly, crossing his huge arms over his broad chest. Rey watched him lean away in the chair.

“Got it. And so you want to be baptized...why?”

“It’s like that song says. The one we sang tonight. ‘ _Pull me a little closer. Take me a little deeper._ ’ I want that. So bad.” Rey blinked down at her hands, tucked between her thighs. She licked her lips and met his eyes again, flicking across her face. "The way you teach, it just makes sense and makes me want to be close to God."

 

He took a deep breath. “Wow. Okay. Well...wow. So…”

“Next Sunday?” she offered. There would be a week to get the shift covered, and if it meant discipleship classes one-on-one with Ben after her baptism, fuck it, she’d get another job. Jobs came and went, hunks like this one were rare. Rey had gotten to second base with enough high school boys to know the difference between voice-cracking children and a real man.

“Next Sunday,” he said, standing. He stacked their chairs and followed Rey to the open door, flipping the lights off as they stepped into the hall.

“This means the world to me,” she assured him. It was so late, almost all the lights were off. Rey craned her neck to look up at Ben beside her, and she placed a hand on his bare forearm, above the watch at his wrist. His blood pulsed under her fingertips. “Thank you.”

He’d glanced around and Rey had watched his Adam’s apple bob. “You’re welcome.”

There was no reason to be nervous now that she was about to be baptized by him now, not when she’d waited all week for a moment alone with him. She’d had crushes before, but nothing like this.

 

Rey waited until the third worship song began before she scooted past Finn into the aisle. Creeping past the ushers, she entered the hallway behind the baptismal and found the choir robe closet, shutting the door firmly. She shimmied out of her dress, tugging on her camp t-shirt and a pair of shorts.

When she opened the door again, Ben was standing outside in fisherman waders, held up by suspenders. He would stay dry, but Rey was meant to get soaking wet.

“All ready?”

“Yep.”

She tugged her hair into a rubberband and pulled it tightly, smiling up at Ben as they waited their cue. When the next song played, he climbed the steps to the small baptismal and held out a hand to Rey. The water was cold. Rey took Ben’s hand and climbed carefully down the stairs into the water, glancing out at the church congregation once.

 

The water was up to her navel, and she looked up at Ben as he spoke.

He was positively mesmerizing. She missed almost everything he said. She nodded and smiled when the church politely laughed, and focused on his mouth making words instead. Their hands slid against one another in the water, and Rey felt his pinky finger twine with hers. She stepped closer, careful not to disturb the water and slide her fingers between his as she watched his face.

“Ready?”

He looked down at her like they were the only two people around, voice hushed like he was telling her a secret.

“Take a breath, and - “

Rey nodded, leaning backward into his arms. She pinched her nose and Ben dropped her barely into the water, submerging her gently before lifting her to the surface again.

“Risen to walk in the newness of life.”

She blinked the water away and grinned as people clapped, but she kept her eyes on Ben. The music began again as they stepped out of the water, and Ben draped a towel around her shoulders.

 

“Great job.”

“You too,” she said, rubbing the fluffy towel at her face. She patted herself dry as Ben dropped the suspenders and rubber pants.

“Congratulations, Rey.”

Rey squeezed her ponytail and looked at Ben as he took a step closer.

“Thanks. You did a great job baptizing me. Seriously.”

Ben smiled and put his hands in his pockets. “So. You...like black, I see?”

She looked down at her white t-shirt, emblazoned with the camp logo and realized her black bra shone through in brilliant color. She groaned, realizing she was definitely getting lectured about this later.

 

“Yeah. Black. Right,” she sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. “Shit,” she whispered under her breath.

“It’s actually my favorite color.”

Rey opened her mouth to speak, and closed it again. Her cheeks felt warm, and she lowered her arms slightly. Was he serious?

His voice got softer. “Pretty.” He took the towel from her hand slowly, rubbing it down the front of her body tenderly, shoulder to hip. His fingertips grazed her hard nipple through her wet shirt and sopping wet bra. He met her eyes and circled once more with the faintest touch. She gasped softly, meeting his eyes as her back straightened.

“So pretty.”

He put his hands back in his pockets, and smiled a crooked smile at Rey. She watched him leave, round ass in khaki pants moving further down the hall as she watched, and her hair dripped steadily down her back.

“See you out there,” he said, turning to wink at her briefly before leaving through the side door. Rey blinked and picked up a new towel, smiling brightly to herself as she pulled her dress back on before reentering the auditorium and sneaking back to her seat.

Her eyes located Ben immediately, but he resolutely looked the other direction, eyes on her dad who was already preaching.

 The back of his head never moved, dark curls at his shirt collar visible four rows ahead. The words he'd spoken in private, his touch, that tone - Rey repeated it endlessly to herself as she contemplated whether she’d dreamed it all. When he ignored her the rest of service, heading to lunch with other twenty-somethings instead of coming to Rey’s house at her father’s invitation, her heart sank.

 

It was a new life, after all, and Rey was not going to be left behind this time.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know.  
> I _know._


	2. Consume Me

 

__

 

_You consume me, You consume me_

_Like a burning flame running through my veins_

_You consume me moving through me_

_Anytime, anyplace You invade my space_

_You consume me, You consume me_

_Wholly devoted_

_I immerse myself in You_

_Baptize me in Your love_

_Cause drowning in the thought of You_

_Floods my soul_

_I'm taken by the things You do_

\- Consume Me, by DC Talk

 

“Choose a rose. That’s it. Everybody take one.”

Ben nodded to the youth group as they passed a pile of cut roses down the pew. Rey watched his coffee eyes, serious and alert as he tracked the procedure. One at a time, each teenager chose a flower and handed the dwindling bunch to a neighbor.

He towered over the podium. Shirt-sleeves rolled to his elbows, Ben leaned on the pulpit as he intently watched the roses travel the room. Rey carefully chose a pink bloom the color of lipgloss, and studied it as the bunch of flowers moved on.

The tender petals were soft as silk, tie-dyed salmon pink and puckered around the young, tight bud. The thorns were sharp and barbed. She lifted it to her nose and inhaled fully, smiling at the sweet freshness.

Creation was truly magnificent.

Brilliant, intelligent design.

 

She declined the instinct to tug a petal free and rip open the yellow, germinated stamen, instead laying the flower in her lap like a lady. She crossed her ankles and looked at the pulpit, snagging Ben’s gaze. There hadn’t been any chance to speak to him since her baptism, but Rey sometimes felt her skin heat at his nearness. More than once she’d felt his eyes on her, an awareness he saw her - really _saw her_. Twice she’d caught him before he could look away.

 

He ran a hand through his hair as he continued.

“This rose represents your purity. Your innocence. Just like this flower, each of you has a precious gift that will bloom in time, but it has to be protected.” His huge hands curled around the podium as his feet shifted. Rey was glued to him.

 

The cadence of his words, his lips forming sentences, the sound of his voice. If anyone was unique, it was him - tall and handsome, unlike any boy or man she’d ever seen before. She’d been tickling herself before sleep every night, imagining kissing his plush mouth until she gasped into her pillow.

If anyone was a beautiful creation, it was him.

Rey crossed one leg over the other to stamp down the mild throb in her panties and tugged a lip into her mouth. This was church. Serious business, and Ben looked intimidating. His eyebrows arched as he emphasized each word.

 

“Every time you share a piece of your heart with someone else, you tear a petal from your flower.”

The crimson rose on the podium had seen better days. Ben pulled one petal off and dropped it to the floor, fluttering as it drifted. His large fingers rubbed the next petal as he spoke before he ripped it free, dropping it carelessly. He shook his head sadly.

“If you give and give and give your heart away, pretty soon there’s nothing left.” With a grimace, he grabbed the rose by the stem and wrenched the entire bloom loose, crushing it in his grip before dropping the crumbled mess to the stage floor.

 

Wilted, creased rose petals lay broken at his feet. Something in Rey’s heart turned over in gloom and defeat. There really was nothing worse than being a picked-over flower. He was so right.

“This,” Ben said, holding a perfect, gold band up to the students, “is what you exchange for a perfect flower. And that’s what each of you has been endowed with by God.” His eyes met Rey’s and she held her breath. “This purity,” he said. “Unblemished innocence.”

 

He cleared his throat and looked away as Rey’s cheeks burned.

“The fullness of time is in God’s hands. He makes all things beautiful in His time. Even the ripening of fruit, Amos chapter 8, verse one.”

Rey shifted in her chair as she watched Ben nod and close his Bible on the podium. “Now, if everyone will stand and line up…”

 

Her chair scraped gently when Rey stood, smoothing the wrinkles from her short, black skirt. She’d thought it was modest enough when she insisted to her father it was fine for church, but now she wasn’t so sure.

Parents lined the wall at the back of the youth room, observing. Rey smiled self-consciously as the adults assessed the teenagers. Solemn men wearing ties stood with arms folded over their chests and women in contemporary maxi skirts smiled encouragingly. Mrs. Duncan winked at her as Rey stepped into line. Her palm grew sweaty around the rose stem and she gulped down nerves.

Sixteen people received purity rings from Ben before Rey stood in front of him. Her dad walked up to stand beside Ben for part of the short ceremony that involved parents witnessing their child’s commitment to purity. She smiled shyly as her heart beat wildly. With trembling fingers, she reached for the gold band her father had provided, and she met Ben’s eyes.

 

“This is a promise you make to yourself, Rey. To honor God with your body as well as your heart until the day you give this ring to your husband.”

Rey nodded and watched as he slipped the ring on her finger. He dwarfed her in size, warming her skin to overheated in a heartbeat as he cocooned her hand in both of his. Ben smiled brightly, crooked teeth and berry-stained lips flashing joy at her. She beamed and caught sight of her father smiling, tears shimmering like diamonds in the corner of his eyes.

Taking her hand from Ben’s, she smiled wider at her father, leaning on tiptoes to kiss his familiar cheek before slipping to the back of the line.

A rose and a ring. God’s pleasure and her father’s approval. The warmth of community at her back, and the light in Ben’s eyes as he held her gaze.

Everything a girl could want.

 

******

 

The grownups filtered out once the applause ended, the prayers had been lifted, and the parents had been hugged. The lights dimmed as Finn and Poe headed onto the platform with guitars slung over their shoulders, and Hux reached for the mic. Time to sing.

“Everybody up!” The standing and sitting on command was like second nature to any church-goer, but it never failed to make Rey huff and roll her eyes. They weren’t _actual_ sheep for God’s sake, just metaphorical ones.

 

_Consume me_

_Your love is like a fire inside me_

_Say your love is gonna take me higher_

_To you I will surrender_

_Take control of me_

_I want to be free yeah_

_To do the things that I love_

_I need your fire again_

 

The electric strings hummed through the room. Four dozen teenagers sang along to the catchy worship tune. Rey watched the words light up on the overhead, twisting the new band on her left hand ring finger.

She smelled him before she actually saw Ben, manly and exotic. He sidled up next to her in the back row, pulling a chair out to sneak into the vacancy beside her. The way her heart lurched and thudded in her chest, Rey felt like he may as well have pushed her out of an airplane without a parachute. Hands behind his back, he leaned down and whispered a greeting.

 

“Hi.”

“Hey.”

“You did good.” He nodded to the front of the room where the band played loudly, singing about devotion and need.

“ _You_ did good!” She lowered her voice when she spoke again, aware of how enthused she sounded. How young. Naive. “Really. Ben, you’re just so good at speaking.”

“I should be, like a preacher or something, huh?” He grinned while watching the stage, eyes focused on the band, but she didn’t miss the teasing tone.

Rey bumped her hip against his and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, exactly.”

“Glad you’re impressed.”

 

He found her gaze briefly before folding his arms over his chest and rolling his throat against his collared shirt. Rey twisted her body to face the stage, too, but her awareness was centered wholly on Ben. In her periphery, she could see his bulging forearms with faint, dark hair tucked against his massive, defined chest. A bit higher, his pulse jumped in his neck, leaving a milky hollow below his Adam’s apple. When his gaze landed on hers, she gathered all her courage and held it.

Demanding.

Sure.

 

He was older, but she was old enough.

Rey blinked up at him and licked her lips. If there was a lovely being in the room to cherish, it was the towering man beside her who smelled like paradise - his soft eyes and parted lips.

 

“Your father asked me to keep an eye on you. On the mission trip.”

His voice was lower, and Rey stepped closer to hear. With no one beside them on last row, they were mostly hidden in the dark, noisy youth room. Her hip brushed his as she peered up at him.

“Did he?”

Ben nodded. “Wants you to be safe.”

She moved closer and reached to feel his creased khaki pants, yards of clean, pressed cotton and cologne. His Adam’s apple bounced when he swallowed, and Rey pressed her luck. Pride and danger swelled like a tempting wave.

“You already watch me. I think.”

Ben searched her eyes and she held still. If she’d misread, he’d be off the hook and no one could finger her for a crime against her innocence. If she was right though, this was a moment to come clean.

“Would you like that? If I watched you?” He was so much bigger than her, older and educated, but the request was hopeful in a way that made her feel like a princess. Empowered. His eyebrows lifted as he watched her, waiting for her judgement.

Her bashful heart sped wildly, and she nodded boldly. What was better than being protected? And by someone so handsome and strong?

“Okay.” He sighed, something like relief in his hushed voice, and Rey felt older and more mature than she ever had. Ben looked back at the stage, then glanced at the door, then the space behind them before his hand cupped her shoulder.

 

No one saw when it covertly slid to her waist.

No one had any idea when his hand slipped further to the small of her back, thick fingertips grazing the top of her ass. She nudged him with her shoulder, sending approval and he almost jumped, but she caught his wrist, leading his hand to her low back. She held his eyes.

With both their faces turned to the stage, Ben’s hand slid further down her ass, cupping and squeezing her flesh til she bit back a moan. His hands were shaking. A bit further and he’d be under her short skirt, touching her drenched panties.

 

All too soon, the lights came up and Ben bounded away, as if bitten by a snake.

Rey smiled when Paige and Rose plopped into the seats on either side, listening to the details about the upcoming mission trip.

 

If her rose was a gift, Rey had already decided who she’d share it with.

It was a promise to herself, after all - Ben said so, and she intended to make good on her promise to give one man all her petals.

 

******


	3. The More I Seek You

 

 

_The more I seek you, the more I find you_

_The more I found you, the more I love you_

_I wanna sit at your feet_

_Drink from the cup in your hand._

_Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat_

_This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand._

_I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming_

 - The More I Seek You, by Kari Jobe

 

 

The meeting hall was dark. 

Flashes of neon strobe lights had dimmed inside the auditorium filled with noisy, sunburned kids. It had been an exhausting day of doing ministry. As the music dwindled into soulful, moody harmonies, the hall mellowed. 

Jumping and shouting with two hundred fellow teenagers, coordinating flailing hand motions with laughter-punctuated lyrics was fun, but Rey was worn out. The Dominican Republic was hot. Summertime in the Carribbean was no joke.  
  
She panted and swayed to the sweet melody echoing throughout the makeshift tabernacle. It was dark and cooler inside. Voices lifted in unison all around her. Deep baritones and airy sopranos. Heartfelt emotions. Glorious praise. 

It was a group effort, a fusion of maximum effort and fulfilling weariness. The kids around Rey lifted hands in worship with eyes closed, their heads tilted up, basking in submission. 

A wave of content belonging flooded her. 

These were her people, her friends. Their voiced braided a song into the air inside the simple, concrete building at the edge of the compound. Rey ran her hands up and down her sunburned shoulders with a smile. It was tiring teaching children’s backyard bible study camp for two weeks straight, but it was the good kind of tiring.  
She was wrung out. Wasted. And satisfied. 

 

The kids were adorable. Brown-skinned, Spanish-speaking urchins with endearing smiles and dirty hands. They clambered into Rey’s lap as soon as she sat to teach them a craft, or stood to braid her hair, fighting for prime real estate at her side. 

The days were long and the kids unfortunately all had parents - no chance she could take a couple home to be her little brother or sister. Her dad would probably love it, she was sure. He was a pastor. He loved Jesus, and Jesus loved the little children. 

She popped one or two at a time into her arms and let a tiny one hang on her back like a koala when she walked them to the snack tent for lunch. When she made her way to the counselor’s table every day for her morning, noon and evening meals, she could feel the Ben's pride beaming at her.  
She didn’t even have to look to know he was watching.  
The heat of his gaze settled on her like the equatorial sunshine beating on the canvas tent above her. Hotter than blazes, wholly enrapturing. 

 

When she looked up from her wrap sandwich or her bottle of water, his eyes met hers in a heartbeat - simmering wildly, about to boil over. She was always torn between the need to take off, find a shower stall, rinse the sticky dust from her face and chest or preserve the flaming ties between them, agree to swelter. Sit in the inferno of tension that crackled between them.  
  
More often than not, he was called to attend some minor need - a kitchen catastrophe, a bible character sticker conundrum - and Rey would toss her leftovers in the trash before heading to the campground shower stalls to cool off.  
  
It was all she could do to wait for their trip back home. 

  
The overnight flight from the U.S. mainland to the D.R. had been a sweet, dreamy haze. A solitary, secretive rendevous. 

Her seat by Rose and Paige had been sufficient until they each fell asleep around the 11pm mark as the plane cruised 40,000 feet above the Earth. Lucky for Rey the seat beside Ben had been mercifully vacant. 

 “Hi.”  
“Hi there.” 

Their conversation had started innocently enough. 

  
“Mind if I sit with you?”

“Not at all. Let me just move these books and you can - there.” 

Ben tucked the commentary and Fox’s Book of Martyrs in the seatback pocket in front of him, and Rey planted her hands on the seats, clearing his lap as she jumped over his knees. The oval window beside her was pitch black, the night sky yawning sleepily outside the silent cabin. Soft wisps of clouds and stars trailed by. Rey curled arms around her knees.  
  
“What have you been up to back there?” Ben asked. 

Rey shrugged. “Watched a movie. Ate some Reese’s Pieces before the twins fell asleep.” 

Ben smiled kindly. The cabin tremored softly, and Rey glanced at the seatbelt sign. 

“Sounds fun.”

“Uh-huh. What have you been - “ 

 

“Folks, the captain has turned on the seatbelt sign, if you’ll return to a seat,” the flight attendant said overhead. “We’re going to have a bit of turbulence. Just sit tight. Shouldn’t last long.”

“Buckle up,” Ben nodded, handing Rey the seatbelt. He reached across and Rey buckled her belt, watching his large hands secure her. She gulped and bit her lip. Turbulence sucked. Worry crept up her shoulders, tickling her spine. 

“Hey,” Ben said when the cabin shook gently. “You scared?”

Rey nodded. Her brow furrowed and she gulped again. “I hate turbulence. One time, when we flew to New Hampshire to see my grandma - my dad’s mom, we hit this massive patch of turbulence and  - “ 

A dip of the wings, and Rey’s hands flew to the armrests. 

_“Shit.”_

She squeezed her hands tightly around the plastic grips and kept her eyes slammed shut. The cabin bucked and tumbled. Rey’s belly bounced nervously. When she opened her eyes again, she found Ben’s eyes on her, warm and comforting. 

 

“You okay?”

Rey nodded, lying. “Uh huh. Fine. Yeah, I just - “ 

 

The plane bucked again. People nearby were still sleeping or reading, undisturbed. 

She exhaled hard and looked down. She was holding Ben’s large paw in her small hand with a serious death grip. She smiled at him and raised her eyebrows apologetically. 

“Sorry? I - guess I’m scared.” 

He chuckled and brought his other hand to cradle hers, a warm cocoon of safety for her trembling fingers. “No problem. It’s normal for people to be nervous on a plane.” 

“Not you, I see."

He shook his head. "Nope."

"You’re really not nervous?” 

“Really.” 

“How come?” 

Ben looked past her, eyes falling on the black sky outside the window and Rey watched the stars shoot past his glassy eyes. 

“My dad was a pilot. I grew up on planes.”

“Really?”

He nodded. “Yeah. All my life. I was 23 when he died.” He sighed gently, and lowered his voice. His head fell against the seat with a gentle thud. “He was a good pilot, my dad. You can’t outrun a hurricane, though.” 

 

“Oh, Ben.” Grief flooded his face, and Rey felt her heart crack open for him. He was big and strong, this handsome man beside her, flying quietly through the sky while their youth group slept around them on the plane. “I’m so sorry.” 

“S’not your fault.” 

 His smile was all grace. Adorable. Soft. Rey dismissed the urgent need to kiss his hand, smooth his hair. 

“I’m still sorry,” she said quietly. “I know what it’s like to lose a parent. It’s incredibly challenging.”

Ben huffed a laugh and quirked an eyebrow. 

“What?” Rey said. She nudged his shoulder. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You don’t talk like a normal teenager.” 

“What does that mean?”

  
“‘Incredibly challenging,’” he echoed. “You sound like a baby grown-up.” 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Good lord, you act like I’m an infant.” 

“Aren’t you?”

“No,” she said, shoving his arm with her free hand. Her fingers were still trapped in his hand, and she wasn’t about to let go. “I’m nearly an adult, Ben Solo. Just barely around the corner from 18.” 

He nodded and snorted a laugh. “Around the corner, eh?”

“That’s right. Hop, skip and a jump."

His eyes flew between hers, and he smirked. Rey's heart skipped a beat.

“An inch.”  
He studied her face with twinkling eyes. She nudged her knee against his thigh.

"Basically a millisecond away.”

“An important millisecond.” 

Rey shrugged and held his gaze. It was melted chocolate, black coffee and licorice whips. Dense flourless cake. Black paint and maple syrup. 

“I guess,” she said. “If you wanna be annoyingly _exact_  about it.” 

 

The plane lurched in the clouds, and Rey’s fingers tightened inside Ben’s grip. She breathed through her nose, eyes slipping shut as she waited for the airplane to right itself. A click of the overhead light sounded, and when she looked up again, their seats were dark. 

 

“It's okay. I gotcha.” 

He squeezed her fingers. His voice was calm. Rey leaned back against the headrest and met his eyes. His hand encased hers, and he looked at her eyes in the dark, a patient metronome. 

“Close your eyes,” he nodded, insisting. “I’m here.” 

The plane hummed beneath their bodies, thrumming peacefully. Ben’s deep voice reverberated inside her chest when he spoke, closer to her ear. Her eyelashes fluttered against her warm cheeks. 

 

“My dad used to say it was like driving down the same highway.” He squeezed her hand, and Rey exhaled methodically. “Just like any driver handling his trusty, old Ford down a familiar stretch of road. He can see the way we’re going. We just have to trust.” 

“Just like God the Father,” Rey murmured. 

Ben’s nod made his hair fall against her skin. He leaned closer and his lips brushed her shoulder when he spoke. 

“Just like God the Father.” 

 

Rey kept her eyes closed as night crept around them like a slumbering giant, pulling the plane beneath a thick, black quilt of night. Her hand remained inside Ben’s grip, dwarfed by his size and frozen in awe of his attention. 

 

“Shhh,” he’d murmured when she whined, craning her neck to seek his lips with her own on instinct.

 This was when a boy was supposed to kiss you. When she wanted Ben to kiss her, here on the plane where she’d enacted her genius plan to sit beside him, all alone in the dark where no one was awake to watch her look at him, no one was close enough to hear them. 

 

“I gotcha,” he’d whispered into the ticklish skin of her firm throat. His goatee scratched, and his arm maneuvered their joined hands into his lap. When Rey’s knuckles skimmed his crotch, she gasped. That had to be a hard-on. It _had_ to be. 

“See what you do to me?” he’d asked. 

He’d pressed their hands against his groin and grimaced. It was hard as wood under Rey’s hands, even though she was in the wrong position to stroke the length. She’d have to work up the courage to touch it anyway, but he probably wanted her to - at some point - if he was letting her get close to it through his jeans. Right?

He kissed her neck with soft lips as their joined hands migrated to Rey’s lap. It felt like the time she’d played with a Ouijia board at Rose’s house in seventh grade, arguing over who was doing it - _you! Not me, you!_

When Rey’s jolted against the pressure of their hands against her lap she gasped. 

 

“Shhh, babe,” Ben chuckled. “Shhh. Be good.”  
Rey nodded madly, scared he’d pull away. By the time she’d slid her shorts to the side, and Ben’s fingers had wedged inside, touching her drenched panties, she knew to bite her lip and swallow her moan. 

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Show me how you like it.” 

He rubbed at her clit through her cotton panties, and Rey rubbed against him ravenously. She grasped his forearm with both hands, holding his hand in place while she writhed on his fingers. His other hand reached for her tits, knuckles grazing through her sheer tank top. Her nipples hardened to little points inside her bralette and he pinched tenderly. All she’d needed was a glance at his thick fingers, gently stroking the lace around her perky tits through her shirt. She ground down against his hand and came shamelessly with a gulping shudder. 

 

“Jeez, babe - that was so hot. So freaking hot, Rey. Cannot even tell you.” 

A slow smile had spread while she caught her breath, and he was looking at her like she was the holy Madonna by the time she’d opened her eyes. 

“Can I return the favor?” she’d asked a few minutes later, risking rejection by lightly running her hand up his thigh the way she’d seen women do it in the movies.  
“N-not this time,” he’d said, unbuckling his seat belt and moving into the aisle. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” 

She’d tried to read the commentary Ben had stuck in the seat back pocket while he’d been in the bathroom, but she’d stolen glances at the In Use sign illuminated several times, anyway. It was empowering and sort of endearing how long she’d made him disappear inside the airplane bathroom to take care of the immense problem she’d felt throbbing in his pants under her touch. 

It was intoxicating. 

Addicting. 

 

The airplane memory got her through long, dusty days playing with the little kids she taught. Being a human jungle gym. Playing games and singing sings till she fell asleep drained completely at night. God’s love was being spread to the unchurched peoples of the Carribbean islands, to every tribe and tongue and people. 

Rey was challenged and enlightened, just like their whole youth group pn the mission trip. Called to love and full of thankfulness, even for the hard things.

She could wait just a little longer.  Ben hadn’t said he was off-limits for long, after all, and in a couple more days they’d have a plane ride back home. A plane ride, a condom, and a magazine article that introduced her to the concept of the Mile High club, might just be what they both needed to relax after a demanding trip to the D.R.  
  
At least, she hoped it would be.  
Only a few days before she’d find out for sure.

 

*****

**Author's Note:**

> come be my person on [twitter](https://twitter.com/berrywrites) or [tumblr](https://strawberrycupcakehuckleberrypie.tumblr.com/)


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